Escape from the San(i)tor(i)um: A Few Reflections on CPAC

Six important lessons for progressives and a whole lot of beer pong. Michelle Paladino gives you the highlights of CPAC.

By Michelle Paladino, NYU

It would be too easy for a reasonable outside observer to dismiss this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference as a collection of right wing nuts getting together to share in their fanaticism. However, behind the farcically extreme speakers and bizarre comments stands a well-oiled, aggressive, propaganda machine. They’re full of piss and vinegar, ready to attack the “liberal mainstream media,” the “treasonous” professors at Berkeley and Harvard or anyone else who leans left of their current favorite, Pennsylvania’s Senator Rick Santorum. But today, they are the establishment.

As a liberal mole, I had the sometimes painful, always eye-opening opportunity to see and feel the Karl Rove doctrine in action – the conservative base mobilizing before my eyes. While I was tempted to squeeze my eyes shut and ignore it, we have to learn from it. As I walked around in this strange world of gloating and victimization, gun toting and moral values, freedom spreading and tax cuts, here is what I learned.

Lesson #1 – This isn’t just about the battles of 2000 and 2004, it’s about winning the war.

It was made clear over and over that CPAC attendees have a long historical memory and a long-term plan for future domination. They suffered for decades under the rule of the Evil Empire of the New Deal and its an ill-conceived child, hippie liberalism. Now, they’ve burst from their shackles and righteously sallied forth as the most powerful political party in the world. However, far from being satisfied with their dominance, the converted still feel victimized by the left-leaning “bad guys.” Yup, that would be us.

Speaking to an enraptured audience, Karl Rove gloated that the dark days of Lyndon B. Johnson and the Great Society were past and gone. However, ever the political operative, Rove also saw the past decades’ decline of liberalism as a “cautionary tale.” He urged his audience not to allow the GOP’s beliefs to “ossify,” as the Democrats had foolishly done. Like many conservatives at CPAC, being the “governing power of America” is not enough because it is not just about control, it’s about total elimination of the opposition. As Ann Coulter, glam metal star of the Republican Right, said the following day, “The Democrats are on their way to becoming a Whig party” and so, she continued, let’s help them on their way.

At one of the Young Leaders conferences, students were encouraged to go into city government – “the final frontier for the conservative movement.” Never mind winning back Senate seats, Democrats may be on their way to losing more city councils!

Lesson #2 – Won’t someone, please, think of the children?

In order to win the long-term battle for America’s future, the conservative leadership needs to prime the younger generation to one day stand in their shoes. This is something of which the conservative movement is acutely aware. College students, as well as some younger tykes, made up the majority of the 4,000 CPAC attendees. Their presence was felt everywhere: during the football game style cheers after a particularly mean-spirited barb from a speaker, at any of the many student leadership seminars, or at the constantly advertised open bar party for the young folk on Friday night.

CPAC armed these enthusiastic young pups with materials galore for their conservative activism on campuses across the country. At a seminar for young job seekers, hosted by a Heritage Foundation employee who claimed that God inspired him to work there, I was handed a 120 page booklet filled with resume tips, networking advice, and Internet resources for snagging the ideal entry level position as a budding career conservative. Later, during Ann Coulter’s speech, she beseeched the kids to “Define, Attack, and Destroy” their “treasonous” professors.

(As her speech segued into stand-up routine, Coulter pointed out that her CPAC audience that day was a “drinking” crowd of college kids. I can personally vouch for that: more than once during the course of CPAC I was invited to hotel rooms set up for a few rounds of beer pong.)

Lesson #3 – Democrats are “girly men” and liberal professors should shut up. Oh, and Republicans are secretly the real progressives.

Although the unrelenting verbal abuse of Democrats was usually petty, usually stupid, and always mean-spirited, a few overheard phrases stood out. Much was made of the provocateurs who threw custard cream pies at Ann Coulter during a recent speech at the University of Arizona. Of course, as the gleeful CPACers pointed out, the liberals were too “limp-wristed” to actually hit Coulter. There was an unsettling amount of gay bashing as the attendees basked in their own machismo. It made me want to throw a pie of my own.

Although too weak to accurately throw a pie, Democrats are making some headway in “destroying America,” particularly “treasonous” liberal professors who promote what Coulter called “intellectual terror.” At first, I dismissed this remark as an exaggeration; however, after a few hours of mingling, it was clear that many conservative students do feel terrorized. Or, at least, that’s what they use to justify such an aggressive hatred of their teachers

Besides the classic ultra right wingers, who hate and fear government and taxes in all forms, there were those who advocate a more “activist” Republican Party. Rather than expressing a desire for a cessation of government activity, as many conservatives are wont to do, Karl Rove hailed the “progressive” elements of the conservative moment, claiming that Republicans should set the government on the “avenue of reform” and “seize the mantle of idealism.” When Rove goes “progressive,” he is not talking taxes and when he advocates “reform,” he means cuts in social programs.

Lesson #4 – Guns Good. Babies Good. We love them both.

The Second Amendment and abortion by far generated the most bumper stickers and t-shirts. The National Rifle Association was inescapable. One of the most popular silent auction items at the conference was an hour of shooting with the NRA President, Wayne LaPierre. LaPierre was a constant presence, giving three speeches during the weekend. Although I heard a lot about “the right of the people to keep and bear arms,” there was little to no talk of forming a “well-regulated militia.” In fact, this part of the Second Amendment was nowhere to be found at CPAC….

The Pro-Life groups were also out en masse. T-shirts with pictures of fetuses were a hot sell (they were out of size mediums by the time I got to the booth). The President of the “Coalition for a Fair Judiciary” described Democrats as “let’s kill the babies liberals” on our way to pay a CPAC sponsored visit to Senate Judiciary Chairmen Arlen Specter to lobby to ensure the appointment of several extremist judges to the federal bench.

Lesson #5 – Fox News Isn’t Enough.

Of the many exhibition booths advertising resentment, one stood out: it decried the media “Liar’s Club,” consisting of 60 Minutes, Stephen Glass, The New York Times, CNN, USA Today, Dan Rather (of course), and Jayson Blair. Fox News, conservative talk radio, and The Washington Times are the leading lights of “fair and balanced” news, and everyone else is just a big fat liar. This is where the whining of persecution comes out in full force. Ann Coulter spoke gleefully of finally getting rid of Dan Rather after 35 years of his leftist reign at CBS. “One down, two to go,” she said with an all-knowing smirk to the cheering crowd.

Lesson #6 – Man, they’re good at this.

Although CPAC’s messages were often hate-filled, and sometimes absurd, the conference was troublingly effective. CPAC’s pep rally atmosphere turned out thousands of motivated and well-supplied conservative activists. High-level Bush Administration officials like Dick Cheney and conservative celebs like Pat Buchanan spoke on every issue from social security to marriage to the villainous Kofi Annan. At every turn there was a wealth of information available – glossy brochures, simply written briefings and well-publicized books to make sure that attendees had a handle on the conservative talking points. Students had the opportunity to receive extensive training on grassroots communication, student publications, and the Internet. Everyone had their messaging and organizing down pat – particularly when it came to mobilizing young activists.

Despite having heard my ilk labeled “bad guy” and “baby killer,” I was still able to admire the efficiency and organization of CPAC. The weekend was a wake-up call for me and it should be for all progressive activists. We hate the message, but we have to learn from the tactics. They’re not going to let up and, neither should we.

Michelle Paladino is participating in American University’s Washington Semester Program, which includes a foreign policy seminar and a major research project. Before joining American Progress, Michelle interned in the development division at Human Rights Watch, where she provided donor research. Prior to Human Rights Watch, Michelle interned at Project Sunshine, a small non-profit organization that provides social services to hospitalized children. Eventually, she founded and manages a large volunteer PS chapter at New York University, where she is a junior enrolled in the honors politics major.

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