Grade This! - Feb. 25, 2005

Grade This! is a weekly graded evaluation of events and achievements in politics, culture, arts, etc. Got something to grade? Submit your pieces to editor@campusprogress.org by noon every Thursday.

Nuclear Security Rests on Three Little Words
Talk about your Valentine’s Day snub. After two years of fighting to be accepted into the U.S.’s nuclear family, North Korea still longs to hear those three little words from the Bush administration: “no hostile intent.” According to an article in The Washington Post, the U.S. stated that it harbors “no hostile intent” towards North Korea signifies to this coy little nuclear power that the U.S. respects it as a peer, and won’t attack. President Clinton used the phrase in a 2000 joint communiqué with a senior North Korean official, and diplomatic talks began. Colin Powell also cooed the words on Sunday morning talk shows. But then hard-liners in the Bush administration dropped the language, called the country part of the “axis of evil,” and discontinued talks. Since then, North Korea has kicked out international inspectors and restarted certain nuclear facilities. This past month, it declared officially that it possessed nuclear weapons. Didn’t it ever hear that all’s fair in love—and war?
Clinton administration: A-
Bush administration: D-
Colin Powell: B+
North Korea: D (for desperate)
Saddam Hussein: F (for not learning that declaring nuclear weapons is the only way to get the United States to ignore you)
Rebecca Regan-Sachs, Georgetown

Caution: Democracy May Cause Headache, Similarity to Oppressive Regimes
If you like watching nineteen games of ping pong in a dark room with no windows, you’ll love watching the next month of Bush administration foreign policy freestyling. As the White House wakes up to the fact that they have brought an Islamist Prime Minister to power in Iraq (Ibrahim al-Jaafari of the Dawa Party has locked up the majority coalition’s nomination), it will start to backpedal, hem, haw, tweak, tinker, stammer and if there’s time, flip-flop. Meeting with Gerhard Schröder this week, President Bush explained why military action is on the table for Iran, but not immediately necessary, reminding the world that, “Iran is not Iraq.” (Whew.) But Jaafari may prove that the difference between the two is only in the last letter, as his Dawa Party is closely aligned with Iran’s clerics and has urged greater implementation of Islamic law. Ibrahim al-Jaafari tried to deflect attention from his resume stating, “theory is different from practice.” Hey, Mr. President, he sounds just like you! Maybe the future is bright. With Iran becoming more like what the CIA said Iraq was (a nuclear, hostile state) and Iraq becoming more like what Americans say Iran is (a haven for terrorists ruled by anti-democratic Islamists), perhaps our fearless leader will rethink his theories and adjust his practices. Expect tied tongues.

Empty threats to Iranians: F Backdoor Islamization of Iraq: F al-Jaafari Theory and Practice on their 1st Date: C- Bush Theory and Practice on their 1st Date: A+
Jon Sherman, Center for American Progress

Mixtapes Going Big Time: The O.C. and Garden State
Just recently Zach Braff won a Grammy award for “Best Soundtrack” for Garden State – which was essentially a good mixtape of indie pop. The album, which veers from the sullen to the hopeful, bore a striking resemblance to any mixtape that a vaguely hipster 18 year-old boy would give to his crush. At the same time, the wildly popular O.C. is about to put out their fourth official mixtape style album of music featured on the show including the Futureheads, Modest Mouse and Sufjan Stevens. Both soundtracks have rocketed several indie bands to modest stardom including Death Cab for Cutie and The Shins who have seen their album sales rise exponentially – Death Cab even got a major label deal. Some rejoice that pretty decent music is infiltrating television and the airwaves. Many die-hard fans are crying ‘sell-out!’

The O.C. soundtrack: B
The Garden State soundtrack: B
Living With the Hope that One Day One of My So-So Mixtapes Could Win a Grammy: A+
Knowing that at least there will be decent music playing when I am forced to watch Mischa Barton in a patently awkward and fake lesbian clinch: A-
Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress

Bush’s Code
When we watch politicians rant and rave, we often see a character, carefully crafted and made-up by staff members who have nothing better to do than create an inauthentic personality that appeals to voters. But once in a long while, we get some insight into a politician’s soul. And that is sexy. In the last several weeks, Doug Wead (former Bush I aide) released “private” taped conversations between he and W. that took place between 1998 and the Republican nomination in 2000. Here’s what our president had to say before a meeting with Christian leaders: “As you said, there are some code words. There are some proper ways to say things, and some improper ways…I am going to say that I’ve accepted Christ into my life.”
Doug Wead: B (for releasing the tapes; but the guy’s kind of sleazy.)
George W. Bush: D- (for using Christianity as a political strategy…but it worked)
Daniel Stabile, University of Virgina

USANext: Astroturf for Old People
USANext, a thinly veiled astroturf front of the Republican Party, funded with money from a variety of industry groups, is ostensibly the AARP’s conservative counterpart. What they really are is a sham outfit that will represent whoever gives them money (e.g. when an energy company donated, they start pushing for ANWR drilling). Unhappy with the fact that the AARP, which sided with the President on the Medicare prescription drug program, is now opposing the Administration’s efforts to privatize America’s most successful social program, USANext started airing ads that implied the AARP supports homosexuals and hate the troops. They then proudly highlighted a New York Times article that describes them as “swift boating” the AARP.
AARP: B+
Gay People and Troops: A
Taking money from industry while claiming to represent senior citizens: Expelled from school.
Matt Singer, University of Montana

RNC’s “Off the Record”
The Republican National Committee has recently started airing webcasts of interviews with prominent Republicans. The webcasts are entitled “Off the Record,”, although they apparently forget that when you tape something and the person is on camera, it’s not exactly “off the record” so much as “on the record for the entire world to see”. However, not even the Republican Party’s poor grasp of the English language beats this exchange between host “Mindy” and Ken Mehlman, chair of the Republican National Committee.

“Mindy: And music. If we opened your CD player right now, what CD would we find?”

“Mehlman: You would find a lot of U2, a lot of Led Zeppelin, a lot of classic rock. You’d also find, I also like the Neville Brothers, which is in that genre, but a little different. I love B.B. King; I love Ray Charles. So kind of classic rock, but also some kind of more bluesy stuff I like as well.”

Republican’s Accuracy With Language: F Mindy’s Questioning Skills: D+ (She gets a pass because everyone asks this question now.)
Mindy’s awareness of this whole ipod trend the kids are talking about: C-
Led Zeppelin: A
Ray Charles: A+ and God bless you.
Jared Cram, Temple University

Don’t Ask Alan Keyes for Parenting Tips
Alan Keyes has never been what one might call a friend to the gay and lesbian community. During his campaign against Barack Obama for the Illinois Senate, Keyes described homosexuality as “selfish hedonism” and when asked by a radio interviewer if Mary Cheney, daughter of Dick Cheney, was a “selfish hedonist,” he replied, “Of course she is.” Then, of his own accord, he went on to say that “if my daughter were a lesbian, I’d look at her and say, ‘That is a relationship that is based on selfish hedonism.’ I would also tell my daughter that it’s a sin and she needs to pray to the Lord God to help her deal with that sin.” Well guess what? It turns out Alan’s daughter, Maya Keyes, is in fact a lesbian. She came out publicly last week at a gay rights rally in Anapolis, Maryland. According to 19-year-old Maya, her parents have known she was gay since the end of high school and have continued to tell her that her sexuality is wrong and sinful. It doesn’t end there, sadly. Her parents kicked her out of the house and have refused to pay her college tuition for the next four years.

Alan Keyes Parenting: F
Skill at selling his own daughter for personal hate politics: A+
Sueemedha Sood, UVA

Paris P’UNKED—Hackers catch Hilton storing celebrity numbers on her cell phone.
Early this week Paris Hilton’s T-Mobile Sidekick II unit was hacked by cyber-thugs who proceeded to post its entire contents online. It turns out the celebutante’s mobile PDA held more than snapshots of her public (and private) displays of affection. The device also stored personal contact information for dozens of now-angry A-list celebrities whose cell numbers are fair game to Google savvy web-users everywhere. Among those included in this new Coalition of the Furious: Eminem, Fred Durst, Ashlee Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and Victoria Gotti, who was flooded with, “100 calls in two hours,” after the story first broke. One anonymous celebrity was particularly miffed, “I gave her my number after we met in Miami, I did not know she f**king kept it on her cell phone!” Paris eventually apologized.

Being famous enough to have your number stored on Paris Hilton’s cell phone: A
Being famous enough to have your number hacked off of Paris Hilton’s cell phone: D-
J. Christopher LaTondresse, Bethel University

Medicaid Broken in Mississippi
As of February 28, Medicaid will no longer exist in the state of Mississippi. The reason? The state overspent and the program is now bankrupt. The cut affects more than 775,000 people in the state who rely on the system for their medical care. Mississippi’s governor, former RNC chair and corporate lobbyist Haley Barbour, is urging the legislature to make finding a fix for the funding hole a priority, but a solution does not seem probable in the near future. Until then some drug companies have said they are willing to donate drugs to those who need it the most and a handful of doctors have said they will continue to see many of their patients on a free or reduced cost basis.

Mississippi State Legislature: F Doctors Willing to Treat Patients for Free: A+ Drug Companies Actually Doing Something Good for Consumers: A
Marcus Mrowka, George Washington University

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