Text Appeal

A couple weeks ago, an Atlanta Fox affiliate published an extremely important article listing the "Top 50 Text Acronyms Parents Should Know." The list detailed a disturbing world of underage e-lasciviousness full of bizarre, hard-to-unravel code words for genitalia ("Banana" = "Penis"; "Kitty" = "Vagina"), admissions of nudity ("NIFOC" = "Nude In Front Of The Computer"), requests I sure as hell didn’t receive in high school ("IWSN" = "I Want Sex Now"), and rampant over-sharing ("J/O" = "Jerking Off").

The list went viral, helping parents everywhere keep their constantly texting and e-mailing kids safe from e-xposing themselves to e-xtremely dangerous behavior and peers. MyFox Atlanta should be commended for its public service, and for somehow figuring out that the number 420 refers to marijuana (I had been trying to crack that particular code for years), but it didn’t go far enough. Everyone knows that when it comes to teenagers, the difference between raising the next Nico Bellic and raising the next Niko Kovač is supervision, surveillance, and suspicion.

With that in mind, Campus Progress presents 15 more text acronyms parents should know. Reading and memorizing these will greatly reduce the chances that your hormone-roiled teenager will turn on you, killing you and your entire family and burning down your house because the Jonas Brothers told him or her to.