The weekly wrap-up with Tom DeLay, mp3 playing Pez dispensers, fuzzy social security math, the Death Cab/Tony Blair connection and more.
Tom DeLay: Victim of His Own Mind
Despite a growing legal consensus that his “remedy” is unconstitutional, Tom DeLay’s insane right-wing mind is festering and starting to view a conspiracy: see, the Schiavo dispute isn’t really about Terri Schiavo; it is about conservatism in general and Tom DeLay in particular. We’re out to destroy him. Him personally. Never mind that a significant number of members of his own caucus agree with us when we say that this is a classic case of Congressional overreach. Nope, he’s right: it is all about Tom DeLay. You see, it appears he federalized a family dispute simply to distract all of us from his own, um, ethical lapses. People this crazy shouldn’t manage restaurants, much less the majority caucus of the US House.
Congress: F
Courts: D
Tom DeLay: Academic Probation
Matt Singer, University of Montana
American Idol’s Hanging Chads
You know what I love about American Idol? The simple voting method – there’s no blackbox.org monitoring these complex voting machines we call telephones. No one’s standing in line for hours in the rain in Ohio only to find when they finally get in the door, the machines are broken or malfunctioning. With everything that can go wrong in this crazy mixed up world, I can be certain that one comforting truth remains: all I have to do to vote for my favorite “Idol” is wait for the number to appear on the screen and dial. Voila, informed democracy at its best. Except of course when the TV tells you to dial one number to vote for Mikalah Gordon, which you find out later was in actuality the number to cast a vote for Anthony Federov. After hundreds of viewers cast votes for the wrong contestants Tuesday night, the producers decided to throw out all of the votes and hold a revote on Wednesday night after an hour long show that combined live performances as well as encores from the night before. The end result: one extra night of Idol fever and no sore losers.
FOX accidentally scrambling numbers resulting in an inevitable ratings-boost: C
Actually making the effort to fix a technical failure in voting machine technology so that the wrong guy or gal doesn’t win: A+
Emily Hawkins, Campus Progress
McCarthy Comes to Florida
According to Brevard County’s local paper, Florida Today, police in the town of Melbourne compiled investigative files on citizens who participated in a peaceful protest against the Bush administration’s anything-but-peaceful policies in January.
“I can’t believe this is happening in our country,” said Rebecca Boettcher, one of the Melbourne protesters and the mother of a former Marine who served in Iraq.
When asked to account for its nascent fascism, the Melbourne PD’s flack said the demonstrators “were persons of interest” for “protesting in an anti-government assembly.”
And considering the group included moms with kids, a woman in a wheelchair and people up to age 85, Sheriff Jack Parker’s claim that they might be “here to harm our community” is both absurd and a dangerous indication of abuse-of-power mindset of some officals.
The Brevard County cops that seem to have forgotten that they took an oath to uphold the constitution, not a President or a political party: F (and several weeks of detention)
Joshua Holland, USC
Social Security Freak Out!
Apparently, the Bush administration doesn’t feel they have freaked you out quite enough about social security! Social security trustees put out a new report saying that social security is in crisis!!!! Previously, we thought that the trust reserves were going to be depleted by 2042! But wait!!!!! It will be depleted in 2041!!!!! The shortfall in finances for social security has jumped from $10.4 trillion last year to $11 trillion this year!!!!! Are you scared yet!!!! Don’t be.
As noted in a helpful NYT editorial today, the math that went into this report is fuzzy and misleading. All of the deliberately panic inducing hysteria around social security seems to have taken some attention off of the fact that the report concludes that it is Medicare, not social security, that is in urgent need of attention. In fact, as reported in the Washington Post, the three trustees from the Bush cabinet chose to emphasize the woes of Social Security “almost exclusively” despite the fact that Medicare’s trust will be exhausted a full two decades earlier than Social Security’s.
Exclamation points: A (when used in moderation)
Fuzzy math: D
Administration’s ability to have a real conversation about Social Security: F
Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress
Sean Hannity to roll out a bigger, better dating service
Yeah, you read that right. Sean Hannity’s webstite offers a dating service, the inventively titled "Hannidate". Lonely Conservatives from around the nation are submitting photos and short bios, in hopes of finding someone for long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and hours upon hours of ridiculing liberals. Recently, the Hannidate website has been down, leaving lovelorn Conservatives with only Ann Coulter and Sean himself to fantasize about. Don’t fret, though – we at Campus Progress are proud to report that a new and improved Hannidate is making its debut on April 1.
Sean Hannity running a dating website: C ( Aren’t the Book Club and Song Club enough?)
Hours of amusement the website will provide: A+
Amy Papsun, American University
A Match Made in Heaven
Some pairs just feel wrong. Plaid and stripes. Ann Coulter and Ron Silver. Cat Power and an insurance commercial. Bolton and the U.N. You get the idea. But every once in a while, I find an unusual coupling that just fills me with joy. In this case, may I refer you to the mashup of an mp3 player and a pez dispenser. Designed by some guy in his basement, this Cindarella story product has gone from being a pipe dream to being the basis of an actual manufacturing deal with Pez. The first version will be 512 MB. The head will be removable and compatible with other existing Pez heads. It will run you about $129.
Pez: B (can get a bit cloying)
MP3s: A
MP3 playing pez dispenser: go to the head of the class
Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress
Transatlanticism: Death Cab for Tony?
Who knew Tony Blair had anything to do with bad American rock music? Death Cab for Cutie’s perfectly plastic 2003 release Transatlanticism doesn’t really aim to reach anywhere but American suburbia, but somehow the album title offers a pretty awesome label for the problems plaguing Tony Blair’s current re-election campaign (insert war/bedfellows witticism of choice here.) That is, Blair’s insistence on wallowing in the dregs of American politics might come back to – excuse my British – bite him in the arse. Unsurprisingly, Blair’s decidedly anti-war constituency is showing deep concerns about re-electing Mr. Pro-War himself. The New York Times confirms, “Undoubtedly, the war in Iraq has inflicted the deepest political wounds.” What then, is the crestfallen politician to do? Why put on his emo glasses, turn off the lights, and turn up the Death Cab, of course. If transatlanticism got Blair into this quagmire, perhaps Transatlanticism can get him out of it.
Death Cab for Cutie’s Transatlanticism: C-
Death Cab for Cutie’s applicability to Blair’s re-election woes: A+
Geoff Aung, Columbia University
Bush Administration’s Fake News
The Government Accountability Office has found that the Bush administration has violated publicity and propaganda prohibition laws in two incidences. In both cases, prepackaged news stories were given to TV stations without identifying them as government made media. These prepackaged stories and scripts were indistinguishable from real, private news stories and scripts. This alarming trend in fake-ifying the news in the Bush administration is only gaining steam – over 20 federal agencies now disseminate fake news clips. As the New York Times pointed out in a recent editorial, TV stations strapped for cash will read these scripts on-air, or play prepackaged stories under the assumption that they are real news. And so the stations should shoulder quite a bit of blame themselves as they trade away their credibility in exchange for either saving cash or currying favor with the administration.
Loss of integrity in news stations: F
Government propaganda masked as real news making it on the airwaves: F
Amy Papsun, American University
Box Cutters for Terri!
If subverting the Constitution doesn’t work try something more drastic! At least that’s what one man in Florida did after courts continued to reject appeals and Congressional action to reinsert Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube. Taking a cue from the 9-11 hijackers Michael Mitchell brandished a box cutter and tried to rob a gun store, smashing glass cases in an attempt to ``take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo.” “He told me if I wasn’t on Terri’s side then I wasn’t on God’s side, either,’’ the store owner said. These Taliban tactics didn’t get him very far with the store owner who promptly shoved a gun in his face causing the criminal to flee in fear. Mitchell must have missed the part of the Bible about that guy Jesus. Details, details. Oh well, plenty of time to read about it all in prison!
Reading: A+
The Constitution: A
Religious extremist attempting to hold up a gun store with a box cutter: E for effort.
Matt Bors