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Those Who Can’t Do, Teach
The corridors of right-wing power are looking pretty empty these days. Conservatives, from Rumsfeld to Rove, Harriet to Hastert, and now Al “Mr. Memory” Gonzales, are getting fired or fleeing their jobs faster than you can say “mandate” or “mission accomplished.” But don’t get too excited — unless you’re David Horowitz. Because, as they say, those who can’t do, teach. Karl Rove already has announced his intention to do some teaching. More and more right wingers may soon be pontificating at a college campus near you, and their next nefarious scheme may be how to administer a particularly nasty blue book exam.
So Here’s Your Homework
Campus Progress wants you to write the next course description for our Conservative Course Catalog, whether it’s for Ann Coulter’s Diplomacy, Newt Gingrich’s Defense of Marriage, Lewis Libby’s How To Shape Press Coverage, or Larry Craig’s Airport Restroom Etiquette. Entries will be graded on the following:
- Brevity. Don’t stray above 120 words. (If we want length, we’ll go with Howard Zinn or reread Harry Potter.)
- Originality
- Creativity
- Truth-telling
The best entry will receive a $250 gift certificate suitable for buying textbooks or any books you want. You don’t have to be a student to enter and win.
Examples to Get You Started:
Political Science 312: Military Operations and Winning the Peace
Instructor of Record: Donald Rumsfeld
In this advanced seminar, students will learn that the best way to take the fight to the enemy is to attack a country that didn’t attack you, send in forces you didn’t properly equip, and seek to occupy a country of 27 million people with 130,000 troops and no plans whatsoever. Goodness gracious, me oh my! Other topics will include running a prison with panache; using no-bid contracts to increase quality; and “listening to America,” with a special guest speaker from the National Security Agency.
Political Science 254: International Institutions and Getting to No
Instructor of Record: John Bolton
A very wise man once said that the U.N. Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories, and if you lost 10 stories today, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. This course will explore whether it might not be better to lose all 38. Grounded in diplomatic nuance and sophistication, course topics will include: blustering while paying no dues; which peoples are the most contemptible; “I can’t hear you!”; better spiteful than safe; and being suspicious of everyone, even your hamster. I don’t suffer fools gladly, so fools should register for something else.
How to Enter
Contest is over, check out the winning courses.
You can enter as many times as you’d like. We’ll post our favorite entries on Campusprogress.org.
Legal blather:
By entering the contest you agree to the contest rules, as contained in this announcement, including the text above and this Legal blather section.
Selection of contest winners is in the sole discretion of Campus Progress.
Employees, consultants, and interns of the Center for American Progress may enter, but are not eligible to win.
Contest entrants agree that Campus Progress may publish their entries and names. The grand prize winner must consent to Campus Progress publicizing his or her name.
Void where prohibited. Void outside of the U.S. 50 states and the District of Columbia. Void in Arizona because their state law on contests is too complicated. Prizes are non-transferable. Not affiliated with Dick Cheney’s man-sized safe.
**Get your own copy of the poster.
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