Text Appeal
Fifteen new text acronyms you should memorize to protect your teenager—and yourself.By Jesse Singal
June 2, 2009
A couple weeks ago, an Atlanta Fox affiliate published an extremely important article listing the "Top 50 Text Acronyms Parents Should Know." The list detailed a disturbing world of underage e-lasciviousness full of bizarre, hard-to-unravel code words for genitalia ("Banana" = "Penis"; "Kitty" = "Vagina"), admissions of nudity ("NIFOC" = "Nude In Front Of The Computer"), requests I sure as hell didn’t receive in high school ("IWSN" = "I Want Sex Now"), and rampant over-sharing ("J/O" = "Jerking Off").
The list went viral, helping parents everywhere keep their constantly texting and e-mailing kids safe from e-xposing themselves to e-xtremely dangerous behavior and peers. MyFox Atlanta should be commended for its public service, and for somehow figuring out that the number 420 refers to marijuana (I had been trying to crack that particular code for years), but it didn’t go far enough. Everyone knows that when it comes to teenagers, the difference between raising the next Nico Bellic and raising the next Niko Kovač is supervision, surveillance, and suspicion.
With that in mind, Campus Progress presents 15 more text acronyms parents should know. Reading and memorizing these will greatly reduce the chances that your hormone-roiled teenager will turn on you, killing you and your entire family and burning down your house because the Jonas Brothers told him or her to.
| 1 | IBMARTM! | I beat my abortion record this month! |
| 2 | JBGTAIVW2AIO? | Just beat GTA IV – want to act it out? |
| 3 | WHURTTUNPOMISU? | Why haven’t you responded to the underage nude photo of myself I sent you? |
| 4 | Anteater | penis |
| 5 | FDIFOC | Fully dressed in front of computer |
| 6 | WBSIFOC | Wearing beekeeper suit in front of computer |
| 7 | INFOCCISWFSUR | In front of computer, covered in Saran Wrap for some unknown reason |
| 8 | Rocking Chair | vagina |
| 9 | TIETBGWBHFTNFOHAIIOSTD- SAIPTIETIMIWHIHDTFEY | Though it’s easy to blame George W. Bush himself for the numerous failures of his administration, it is overly simplistic to do so, and I prefer to instead examine the intellectual milieu in which he immersed himself during those fateful eight years |
| 10 | 1983 Dodge Challenger | penis |
| 11 | FA;LKEFOWI23490234324 | Can’t figure out how to text on this thing |
| 12 | HUHTLC?IARIG | Have you heard the latest Coldplay? It’s all right, I guess |
| 13 | TUNPUSMWHBFAMSLS | That underage nude photo you sent me would have benefited from a more subtle lighting scheme |
| 14 | Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II | vagina |
| 15 | TIDGTI | Texting is dumb, gonna Twitter instead |
Jesse Singal is an associate editor at Campus Progress.
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Comments
Hey Jesse,
UNPUSMWHBFAMSLS.
Also, BRILLIANT (bored reading italian love literature in a naughty tshirt)
— tanya - Jun 3, 12:32 PM - #MyFox ATL provided a great service to all the kids who didn’t know these codes but will now be using them religiously.
— jontv - Jun 4, 04:59 PM - #