An Intern’s Guide to D.C.
How to dodge the District’s gunfire—and jumbo slices—during your summer internship.
By Jesse Singal
June 11, 2009
Interns in Washington, D.C. (Flickr/jGregor)Welcome, District of Columbia summer interns. Along with intolerable heat, lobbyist-written legislation, and random acts of gun violence, you are our most precious natural resource. With your bright smiles, hilariously erect posture, and infuriating earnestness, you delight us with your presence (to a point). In addition to making our copies and writing our articles, you are a constant source of entertainment. When you overenthusiastically shake our hand (or when you wander into a gay bar accidentally), you add light and joy to our drab, endless workdays.
The least I can do to help is offer you some tips for navigating this fine city. I am uniquely qualified for this task. Not due to writing skills or observational ability or emotional intelligence or experience, mind you. No. I am the man for the job because I survived.
You see, fair intern, there was a period beginning in mid-2008 during which the District decided it would no longer be in need of my services, and thus began making efforts to expel me. First it dropped a tree on my car. Then it sent some random dude to punch me in the face in an outrageously wanton act of punching. Then it had me mugged a few blocks south of my house. Then it had someone break into my car—just for fun and to root around a bit, not to take anything. Having made its point, the city retreated, presumably to torture someone else, or, more optimistically, to finally deal with its crumbling schools or something.
Ideally, your experience won’t be similar to mine. To help you avoid random occurrences over which you have no control whatsoever, regardless of how informed you are, I’ve made a list of five things you need to know about D.C.
1. D.C. can be a total dick.
I don’t want to overstate this, but I’ve never lived in a place with quite so much random crime as D.C. Whether it takes the form of car break-ins or muggings or kids throwing rocks at passing bicyclists, the District has a mean streak. A friend of mine was approached from behind by two kids a block from a Metro station. One of them punched him in the eye and they ran away without even trying to take anything. Another friend saw a similar thing happen to someone a half-block in front of her in Columbia Heights, the neighborhood in which I live. I’ve twice had stuff thrown at me for no reason (the first time, it was sesame seeds; the second, more painful time, it was a plastic water bottle). One housemate had her car broken into behind our house. Another had his car broken into twice (one a failed attempt that damaged his door) in three months. Etcetera.
This means two things: D.C. sucks in certain ways, and be careful. There’s no reason to be paranoid, and a lot of this stuff varies by neighborhood (there’s a lot less of it in Georgetown and Foggy Bottom, where many interns are housed), but a higher level of vigilance is required in D.C. than in safer cities, like Detroit.
2. Eighteenth Street in Adams Morgan is the worst street in the city.
I didn’t do any D.C. internships in college. Those who did have told me that partying on the 18th St. NW strip in Adams Morgan is a rite of passage of sorts, the kind of thing people point to and say, “Well, I did that before I was old enough to know better.”
Do yourself a favor and know better. To borrow a phrase spoken by a man much smarter than myself, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than 18th St. NW in Adams Morgan. It is a grisly experiment in human nature, the horrific result of mixing an excess of testosterone with an endless stream of extremely intoxicated girls who are barely old enough to be drinking. The best-case scenario, if you go there with a group that includes women, is that they will only be sexually harassed to a minor degree. The worst-case scenario is that you will witness something like this. After all, how many neighborhoods have a website named after their crime problem?
It’s simply not worth it. There are too many assholes and too few cool places on Eighteenth Street for anyone to waste their time there on a Friday or Saturday night (to be fair, there are some decent establishments there if you go during daylight hours).
3. Jumbo Slices Are Terrible.
At least a few times a year, I have a conversation that goes something like this:
Me: Yeah, I really don’t get why D.C. doesn’t have decent pizza by the slice. Most cities do. All we have are jumbo slices, which are disgusting.
Someone Else: Gross.
Another Dude: They’re terrible.
Another Dude’s Friend: [actually vomits]
Some Other Guy: I don’t know. Jumbo slices are pretty good when you’re drunk.
Some Other Guy is stupid. Or, to be more accurate, he is completely missing the point. Everything tastes good when you’re drunk. When was the last time you ate something in an intoxicated state and didn’t find it satisfying? It doesn’t happen. Jumbo slices—which, not coincidentally, are mostly found in Adams Morgan—owe their very existence to the deadening impact of alcohol on the human palate.
Instead of getting a jumbo slice, do yourself a favor. Make sure that the next time you come home at the end of a night out, you have pre-made pizza dough, tomato sauce, and cheese. Mix them together in any configuration imaginable, pop them in the oven for a few minutes, and take your concoction out. Wolf it down, ignoring the fact that most of it hasn’t cooked all the way through. What you’ve just eaten is tastier and more nutritionally substantive than a jumbo slice.
(Fun fact: My councilman has argued for a ban on jumbo slices, saying that they contribute to the rampant crime on the aforementioned 18th St. strip. While I find it unlikely that jumbo slices commit crimes—other than in the sense that they mug your stomach—I wholeheartedly support a ban on this culinary abomination.)
4. D.C. has surprisingly good tacos and taco-related fare.
The District almost—almost—makes up for its staggering dearth of diners and pizza joints by doing rather well in the taco department, at least for an East Coast city. Within a couple of miles on Columbia Rd. NW and 14th St. NW you will find many good options, including Super Tacos and Bakery (excellent, huge tortas), a solid taco cart at approximately Columbia Rd. and Mozart Pl., Pollo Sabroso (try the yucca fries, I beg you), and Taqueria Distrito Federal. But the king of the hill in this department, as far as I’m concerned, is El Rinconcito II. Everything about Rinconcito is great, from the sweet, buttery refried beans to the thick, Salvadoran-style tortillas. I’d go for the chimichangas or fajitas, both of which are excellent. Rinconcito also has more “authentic” Mexican and Salvadoran offerings, including giant soups filled with weird things that scare me. The menu is “distinctly ethnic,” reports one distinctly un-ethnic Yelper.
5. Wonderland is lame.
At some point during your time here, one of your fellow chirpy interns will chirp excitedly, “Let’s go to Wonderland. Everyone says that place is great!” Yes, everyone does say that place is great. Everyone says a lot of things are great.
It’s not like I don’t go to Wonderland. I do. I live near it, and everyone always wants to go, so it’s inevitable. My problem is with the extent to which it is overhyped. The D.C. bars I really like, such as Rock N Roll Hotel and The Red Derby, have something specific going for them—great music and a gimmick that works for the former, very cheap beers and a cool, laid-back atmosphere for the latter (also, macaroni and cheese wedges, a concept I never could have imagined had I not experienced it firsthand).
What does Wonderland have? It’s not cheaper than other bars. It only attracts a cooler crowd than (some) other bars by virtue of the fact that if you’re from the neighborhood, you’ll probably run into people you know (and that’s only because everyone goes there). There’s dancing upstairs, if you’re into that. But the music quality is inconsistent and it’s often extremely crowded and uncomfortable. More and more, Wonderland is attracting kids who would otherwise be in Adams Morgan. There’s nothing special about it.
I’ll see you there this weekend.
Jesse Singal is an associate editor at Campus Progress.
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Comments
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I second the motion on El Rinconcito II.
— geniousdrew - Jun 11, 02:12 PM - #1. Yes, DC can be dick. Pay attention to your surroundings.
— TrueNative - Jun 11, 02:28 PM - #2. If you think 18th street in AdMo is the worst street in DC, then you need to get out to some other parts of the city.
3. Duccini’s sells great pizza by the slice and is right at the bottom of Adams Morgan.
4. Agreed.
5. Wonderland is a great neighborhood bar, not a destination for partying interns.
DC is a third-world ghetto shithole. The people are either violent ghetto scum or arrogant douchebag lawyers.
I agree with all of the above points except #4. DC has some good Salvadoran places (like 2 – Haydee’s and Ercilia’s, which is basically a pupusa dive), but the Mexican options are awful. There just isn’t a large Mexican community here.
But again – DC is a third-world pit.
— Jason - Jun 11, 03:57 PM - #DC is a third-world ghetto shithole. The people are either violent ghetto scum or arrogant douchebag lawyers.
I agree with all of the above points except #4. DC has some good Salvadoran places (like 2 – Haydee’s and Ercilia’s, which is basically a pupusa dive), but the Mexican options are awful. There just isn’t a large Mexican community here.
But again – DC is a third-world pit.
— Jason - Jun 11, 03:57 PM - #Part of loving DC is coming to terms with its maddening attributes.
The Atlas District and U St rather than Adams Morgan, just please mind your manners, as you will find less tolerance for obnoxiousness there. As far as pizza places go, I like Alberto’s. I generally go to the one in Dupont, usually during the day for lunch.
In general, remember that people live and work here, it’s not America the Theme Park. Try to be respectful and not act like one of the oblivious and rude tourists.
— June - Jun 11, 06:14 PM - #Part of loving DC is coming to terms with its maddening attributes.
The Atlas District and U St are better than Adams Morgan, just please mind your manners, as you will find less tolerance for obnoxiousness there. As far as pizza places go, I like Alberto’s. I generally go to the one in Dupont, usually during the day for lunch.
In general, remember that people live and work here, it’s not America the Theme Park. Try to be respectful and not act like one of the oblivious and rude tourists.
— June - Jun 11, 06:17 PM - #Great article. And damn jumbo slice. What a sordid invention.
— redflagflies - Jun 15, 05:00 PM - #hah, hilarious writing :)
— rachel - Jun 18, 02:26 PM - ##Jason
Wow, I cannot believe that a Campus Progress commenter just described DC as “a third-world ghetto shithole.” I’m definitely not the most PC person in the world, but as someone with basic human decency, I take issue with your choice of words. Calling people “violent ghetto scum”? did you really just say that?
I lived in DC for two years and experienced the good, the bad, and the down right ugly, but I would never make such sweeping generalizations about the district’s low-income, largely minority residents. I subscribe to Campus Progress precisely to escape bigoted comments such as yours. Why don’t you do us all a favor, and take your “progressive” views to another forum. thanks.
— dctransplant - Jun 18, 02:43 PM - #Uninformed article, super uninformed comments.
— William Glasscock - Jun 18, 03:04 PM - #What an incredibly bitter article. I have to admit, I expected better and more insightful commentary from Campus Progress.
— Robin - Jun 18, 03:27 PM - #I like how the Campus Progress Summer Intern Kickoff Party was on 18th street in Adams Morgan, at Grand Central.
— Georgina - Jun 18, 04:53 PM - #In a ten mile radius, DC highlights the best attributes and the worst inequalities of our country.
— Amal Bennett-Judge - Jun 18, 04:59 PM - #In a ten mile radius, DC highlights the best attributes and the worst inequalities of our country.
— Amal Bennett-Judge - Jun 18, 05:00 PM - #Instead of complaining about crime, why don’t you actually question why this is happening? When an article elicits the term ghetto, fails to contextualize social inequality, and does not question the world of privilege represented by most interns, it leads to a meaningless at least and classist and racist at worst article from an associate editor of Campus Progress no less.
— LT - Jun 18, 06:51 PM - #disappointed that this article isn’t really progressive.
“lame”— really? talking about neighborhoods of color and only mentioning crime? dc is a dick?
can’t believe this was posted and also highlighted in CP’s email. how disgusting.
— stacey milbern - Jun 18, 08:34 PM - #Wow. The commenters here really are hypersensitive. This isn’t a bitter post by any means; while it may be a somewhat failed attempt at sounding all hipster-snarky, it’s not bitter. And the author’s overall point is that DC isn’t all that bad…. of course, the humorless PC police on here seem to have no ability to contextualize.
However, yes, DC is a ghetto shithole. And many of the residents are in fact ghetto scum. See today’s Columbia Heights Metro shooting, for starters.
You easily outraged snowflakes need to accept the reality. It may not be pretty, it may not have been what they taught you at Oberlin, but it’s true.
You can’t fix a problem without first recognizing that it exists.
— Ignacio - Jun 18, 09:46 PM - #This is just shameful; I expected higher standards from Campus Progress. I hope no one is taking this article seriously, because they are most likely going to have the same miserable experience that you did. Your “advice” amounts to little more than unbalanced slander and airing your personal distastes.
Yes, DC does have a crime problem. I wouldn’t even disagree on the point that there are some viciously mean, rude, and violent (past-ghetto) people who live in DC. However, these people are no more characteristic of the city than the interns you are directing this article to. Muggings and robberies happen in all large cities, especially cities that have drastic socio-economic disparities sitting right next to each other. City-life in general requires a certain awareness of one’s actions and surroundings. Perhaps you weren’t as familiar with city life as you thought. Based on the tone and nature of this article, it seems very likely that you had the words “easy-target” or “thoughtless out-of-towner” written on your forehead without being aware of it, which definitely can lead to trouble.
Further, 18th St. in Adams
Morgan is by no means the worst street in DC in any way shape or form. Based on the neighborhoods that you mentioned, it seems as though you only really explored about half of the city (missed the most ghetto parts entirely). It would have been nice if you mentioned the nightlife in any of the other neighborhoods, considering the large variety of bars, lounges, clubs, and restaurants located all over the city.
Also, I’d like to think people are interested in more types of food than jumbo slices and “taco-related fare”. El Rinconcito is great, but there’s a great deal of fantastic spots to get all types of food (although I can’t name that many by-the-slice pizza places either, so I’ll grant you that), which only becomes multiplied as one ventures into the greater metropolitan area. If you are going to state that there is a “dearth” of diners (which is not true at all), at least mention Ben’s Chili Bowl, which is a great place to eat and is pretty much considered historical.
Also, more useful to interns than anecdotes about food bars, and people you don’t like would be information on the Metro (expensive, slightly confusing for people not from the area, crowed during rush hour, stops running after certain hours etc), where to find food after about 2-3 am (which is hard to do without a car once the metro stops running), or perhaps guides to museums and galleries that aren’t a part of the Smithsonian.
As a person born and raised in the District, I’ll be the first to admit the city has big problems and is nowhere near perfect. Also, I’m very sorry that you and your friends had some misfortunes, and were on the receiving end of unjustifiable violence. However that does not give you the right to paint yourself as a “survivor” and slander the city. At the very least you could provide some genuinely useful information. But then again, according to Jason I’m “violent, ghetto scum” from a “third-world ghetto shithole”, so what would I know.
— MN - Jun 18, 11:37 PM - #I participated as an intern in 2007 and remember how lonely, exciting and difficult it truly was, sometimes all at the same time. I didn’t go to DC just for the internship experience, but also for learning/sharing of information. I avoided the excessive party side of DC and found my hang-out at Union Station, of all places. A nice place to go see movies, after a long day on Capitol Hill. At times, my life mirrored that of the movies I watched. Would do it again, definitely.
— MP - Jun 19, 01:21 AM - #You all get that this article is a joke, right? Obviously the writer knows that more dangerous streets exist than 18th. This is not high minded social commentary, because it is NOT supposed to be. Relax. Laugh. Stop taking it the wrong way.
— JW - Jun 19, 09:45 AM - #You all get that this article is a joke, right? Obviously the writer knows that more dangerous streets exist than 18th. This is not high minded social commentary, because it is NOT supposed to be. Relax. Laugh. Stop taking it the wrong way.
— JW - Jun 19, 09:45 AM - #There are too many assholes and too few cool places on Eighteenth Street for anyone to waste their time there on a Friday or Saturday night (to be fair, there are some decent establishments there if you go during daylight hours).
I don’t know a single person in DC above the age of 21 who would even argue with this statement. Why is this causing so much generalized outrage on this board?
Could you people be any more stereotypically hyper-PC? Damn, you guys must never get laid.
— Ignacio - Jun 19, 04:17 PM - #@Ignacio
1. Taking issue with your labeling of many of DC’s residents as “ghetto scum” is not “hyper-PC.” There is a racist subtext to calling someone “ghetto scum” and perhaps you should be more conscious of the terms you use when discussing issues of race, crime and socioeconomic status.
2. I think the conversation could do without your childish “you must never get laid” comment. It would be easier to take your arguments seriously.
— TrueNative - Jun 26, 03:02 PM - #Wonderland is full of douchebags, not unlike most of the spots in NW. Just going there makes you one.
— DCfromDC - Sep 25, 10:43 AM - #