No, really. I am not crazy, or at least I've not yet gone crazy. It's a legitimate question, based on my reading and research. So, again I ask: what is sex for and why do we have it?
Often, our conversations around sex consist of what we like, the things we are into, and our experiences with it. But rarely is the question asked, "Is our children learning ..." no wait, I mean, rarely do we question the purpose of sex. The first question, many of you will recognize, is a Bush question.
In a culture where sex is framed by mass media and pornography, it's important to ask that question, mainly because popular culture still frames sex as something men earn and women give. In said culture, where the purpose of sex is framed in a sense of pleasure, we see women as the source of pleasure whereas men are the takers of such pleasure. When framed in said mentality, we no longer see women's roles in sex as one of humans, but rather humans who serve a specific purpose.
As such, said mentality takes away the idea of human connections. We simply see sex as mechanical, and not as an expression between two people. To be absolutely sure, there can be sex without love, and we have all experienced it, but when human connections are taken out of sex, it merely becomes a biological act, and has nothing to do with humanity. Further, it makes us see others as mere vehicles to our attainment of pleasure, rather than human beings with whom we can connect.
Whether we like it or not, sex involves emotions. Yet, within the pornography industry, it's treated as a mere act. In the end, it teaches us to detach from our human beings. I am not saying every sex act ought to come with love. I am merely saying we need to see others as human beings. Once we see others as merely sex providers, whether paid or not, any feelings or empathy we have for a person is gone. I say this to merely argue the point that until we can see others as humans, with feelings, needs and emotions, the act of prostitution will still be one that views women as providers of pleasure, and not humans. Sex may be great on its own, but we need to recognize that the person from whom we are getting it has feelings and is a human being. With such acknowledgment, we will be kinder and more in touch of that person. In such cases, date rape can certain be prevented. After all, no does not mean no if we do not respect the other person's feelings as a human being. To be sure, I can be pretty dirty and kinky, but without sounding too cheesy, sex isn't about just getting yourself off. There is a piece of oneself, a human connection, left in the other person. Despite of what pornography tells us, sex isn't just sex. That other person is the body parts we like, is a human.
Again, I ask: why do you have sex? What's it for? Is it merely a way to achieve pleasure, is it a show of mutual adoration, is it to create babies (who am I kidding) is it to show love and reward, or is it a way to attain mutual pleasure with someone you like and respect? By re-defining to purpose for sex, we too re-define how society sees homosexuality. After all, if it's about mutual respect and culture, then why does it matter what is natural?
Sure, he doesn't come out and say it directly, but you and I know that John McCain represents the veterans of America - and that, by default of his service, McCain is hailed as an American hero, and therefore, by some faulty logic, also a foreigncy policy wonk. I am here to tell you that neither does McCain represent veterans, nor is he a foreign policy wonk.
Without endorsing any candidate, I'd like to point out that whoever is pitted against McCain will be painted as one without military service or experience, and that someone, McCain looks like a better choice for America, at a time of war, than the other two. Not true.
While we are thankful for McCain's service, the fact of the matter is that bad foreign policy is bad foreign policy, whether proposed by a hero like McCain, or someone who thought too highly of himself to go to Iraq, like our current president.
This isn't a matter of politics. It's a matter of ideologies, and whether McCain - for all his claims of loving America and the military - is actually going to make a good commander in chief. From his actions and the way he approaches many military issues, McCain most certainly is not.
Think of the veterans benefit package past by Congress this week and ask yourself whether McCain supported it? He did not. The package, much like many other packages aimed at helping veterans of Operation Iraqi Freedom, was proposed by a freshman senator from Virginia, not a seasoned military veteran who claimed he is good America. Much like the Bush Administration, McCain's claims of a "thankful nation" and "support the troops" are merely lip service. While he'll readily send young Americans to foreign nations based on failed foreign policy assesments, he is not ready to help those young Americans when they get home and become veterans.
So, on this Memorial Day, if you do see McCain make a speech - just remember that actions speak louder than words. Actions mean learning from our mistakes of past wars, and continiuing to support the military women and men who come home from the war injured and displaced. McCain, much like Bush, is not doing that.
McCain supporters have painted his opponents as inexperienced and fresh and bound to make mistakes. But honestly, after eight years of the Bush Administration, I am ready to make new mistakes. With McCain, it'll be simply making the old mistakes over and over again. Aside from their military service, there isn't a damn thing different between McCain and Bush.
Tomorrow - we talk the college culture of data rape and construction of masculinity as well as feminism. The day after that we talk young voters and the issues they're concerned about in this election.
Link those of you who can’t see the video, it’s a lawn-care service that features women doing yard work in bikinis. The concept here is to sell sex appeal, of course. As patriarchy would have it, the person in charge of the operation is an old, white man.
I don’t know, to me, there’s something pretty sick about posing women in bikinis to do yard work, as a way to make money for your business. I also wonder who is more at fault: the guy who runs this company, the people who come to these women for yard work, or the women themselves for working for this company? Better yet, CNN passes this off as a story that's lighthearted. But, a discussion and showing to a few feminist friends of mine produced red flags all over the place. I wonder how an organization like CNN can run a story like this, in a satirical kind of way, and not actually ask the "hard" questions as the reported claimed he needed to ask.
What are your thoughts on these cases in which a murderer is charged with a doubble murder for killing a mother who is pregnant? I always cringe when I hear the fetus referred to as the "unborn baby" or by its intended name. My feelings are split on this, because on one hand, a fetus should always be treated like a fetus and not a human being, and on the other hand, it is a pretty cruelsome crime to kill a mother and fetus.
The argument could always be made that there is a difference between a fetus intended to be born by its mother, which makes it a double murder, and a fetus that is terminated because its mother made the very hard decision to have an abortion. All these fetal protection laws really do confuse me, in terms of ideologies.
Are you getting pretty fucking tired of running around on campus, being one of just a few who see what the hell is going on, and trying to fight the right? I know I am.
You know why that is? It's because no matter what we do, no matter what we claim, the truth is we, as feminists and liberals and Democrats, are getting our asses kicked up and down the aisle and Capitol Hill.
The reason for this is simple: we play by the rules. It still amazes me that, knowing the right's tactics and lack of consideration for the Constitution, integrity or anything else, we're still living in a dream world and thinking that, somehow, if we play by the rules, we're going to win.
We're not. The Republicans are breaking the rules, and so should we. They're lying through their teeth, and so should we.
We're losing our public-image battles, and that needs to change. What we need, then, are allies.
The biggest group of potential allies we can tap into? The religious right. Just as the Republicans are able to manipulate the message of God, Jesus and whatever else the religious right voters believe, so can we.
The truth is the religious right are often uneducated, and don't really give a damn about Constitutional laws or scientific studies or any of that. So what do we do? We speak in their language. We embrace them. We talk about obligations as Christians, and Catholics, as Americans and family-loving people. That's how we win them.
Our ideals are not good enough. We must be able to manipulate in order to get the votes, to put the people who share our Democratic values into office. We must be able to convince religious voters that we are the "correct" Christians while the Republicans are not.
Does it mean we have to twist the truth, stretch the Constitution and play hardball politics? Absolutely. The end justifies the means.
This bullshit about "our ideas are better than theirs, we'll win" or "what is good and just will always prevail," and "in the end, goodness will always win over evil" is bullshit. That might get you a vote or two as second-grade class president, but in politics, you're fucked!
We can run around talking about what is right and what is good and all of that, but without a political strategy, we get nowhere.
It's time for us to stop living in a dream world, start acting like the Republicans, and kick some ass.
It's time we find the liberal version of Karl Rove.
Two points, really. The first is on the world’s fascination with “virginity” and America’s obsession over it. The second point is about the emphasis society tends to put on the act of sex.
Reading one of the Campus Progress web logs this morning, I ran across an interesting statistic – that just about or more than 50 percent of college students are “still virgins.” My question: why do we care? Why is it that, as a society, we treat losing one’s virginity as sort of a rite of passage in which a new person is born and the old, less mature person is gone? It’s to say, as if, a person’s accomplishment in life is based on whether or not that person has engaged in sex. With rite-of-passage teen movies like “American Pie” being a part of the popular culture, it seems the message we’re sending teens is: your worth and dignity is based on whether you’ve “done it.” Yet, they also get messages from the Christian-right about remain “pure” and “untouched” until marriage. The result is a clash of culture, in which, on one hand, the message is about the importance of having sex. On the other hand, the message is about “saving” oneself until marriage. What’s a kid to do, really, in that situation? If virginity is so special, how come the majority of us aren't even in touch with the person to whom we "lost" it? The truth is when it comes to virginity, there is nothing lost, and nothing gained.
Besides, what's the exact definition of a virgin anyhow? One who's pure in both thoughts and mind? One who's never orgasmed? One who's never had intercourse? One who's had intercourse but never orgasm? Does oral sex count? What about priest sex? It's all confusing, really -- yet we're still obsessed with the idea of virginity.
The fact of the matter is that there are more important things to worry about in one’s lifelong accomplishment than sex and “virginity.” We see movies like “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” but we don’t see movies like, “The 40-Year-Old Bum Who Hasn’t Done a Damned Thing to Make the World Better.”
Sometimes, I wonder why. Why can’t we just teach kids, from both the left and the right that sex is something amazing and wonderful that should only be had with responsibility, respect and readiness? Isn’t that a much better message than: if you aren’t having sex, you’re a loser or if you’re having sex, you’re a slut?
Wouldn’t it make the whole abstinence education debate much easier to digest? Wouldn’t it make birth control much more easily gotten? Wouldn’t it strike down patriarchy and society’s ideal of a family at its root? It certainly would. Just by changing our personal outlooks on virginity and sex, we can certainly make move the world in the right political direction.
Second point: why does society put such a strong emphasis on the act of sex? It is, after all, only sex. I don’t mean to sound like a frat boy here, but sex is just an act. It’s neither holy nor God’s gift. It’s neither divine nor special. It’s purely biological, just like any other activity that we engage in as humans. Sure, sex is certainly not making love, but it’s got a quality of its own. Just like going for a walk, having dinner or spending the afternoon with someone, sex is just an act. It only becomes special when the person with whom we are sharing it is special. Other than that, sex is just – sex. Why make things any complicated than life already is? To be sure, one should always be monogamous in a relationship, but let’s not treat sex anymore special than just a kiss. A kiss, after all, without any emotions put into it, is just a kiss.
Perhaps the wounds are still a bit too deep for me to bring this up - rest assured, I am not saying this as a political exploitation, using a tragedy to highlight a point; I am simply saying this to draw a comparison.
What happened at Virginia Tech is a heartbreaking tragedy, I will never, ever deny that. The time to grieve is now, and the nation will continue to grieve.
Consider this, however: at the time of this being written, 3311 Americans have died in Iraq, in addition to hundreds of thousands of Iraqis. Unlike the war in Vietnam, Americans seem to be removed from this war. They seem to be going on with normalcy as Americans are losing their lives every day.
The truth is that the loss of lives at Virginia Tech isn't any more or less tragic than the lost of lives in Iraq. Those who have died in Iraq also had hopes and dreams, parents and loved ones, lovers and friends. It breaks my heart that we mourn the deaths of 32 Americans, but we turn a blind-eye to the thousands of other Americans, simply because we're so far removed from them.
It is my hope that, through the tragedy, we can realize that the loss of any human life to a needless cause should be a travesty, and should be mourned. Only then, I hope, can public perception of the war in Iraq be more negative. If an angry mob of right-doers could take Don Imus off the air, I hope such a mob can also end the war in Iraq.
The only thing, though, is that it seems almost classless for us to be speaking about this now -- at a time when there is still so much hurt going on and so much grieving still to be done.
But either we make the wounds deeper and make the American people see, or they'll become stoic again after the wounds have healed. Thoughts?
On Monday, April 23, Campus Progress and American University will join forces on the AU campus to show the screening of "The Ground Truth," to highlight the true costs of the war in Iraq.
It's also supported by the United Methodist Chaplaincy.
The idea is that if we highlight the truths about the war in Iraq, and its cost and effects, more people would take a stand on the war. This is an effective way to raise conciousness about the war, as well as mobilize and motivate student activists to act and takea a standa against the war.
The "Wear Some Black" campaign was started by Emily Willard at American University. The idea behind that is to wear a button that says, "Wear Some Black Until the Troops Are Back," (or any sort of black at all) as a way to get the conversations moving and started about the deep wounds of war, its fiscal and human tolls.
A great deal of other schools have jumped on board with this, to include Old Dominion University. While the College Democrats here are the leaders in putting this together, some College Republicans members have also shown interest in making this a bi-partisan campaign.
The vision for this is to reach across party lines and work toward a dialogue and open-and-honest discussion about the Iraq war. It is my hope that every school in America will be on board with this campaign. If such anti-war sentiments change America's visions in the '60s, such changes are also possible now.
Anyhow, you're invited to this event. If you're interested in "Wear Some Black" campaign, we also need you.
The link to the facebook invitation is below. If you don't have facebook, shoot its organizer, Emily Willard, an e-mail at emily.willard@american.edu
Over a cup of coffee last night, I spoke with a friend who will soon as graduate school as a chemist and eventually pursuit her doctorate.
I made the comment that she wasn't like other female college students, who would either finish college and get married or enter into fields that are traditionally female. Read More »
I am attending the Young Feminist Summit in New York late July with the hopes of learning a thing or two about organizing women's rights organization on campus. Read More »
So a few friends and I are planning on getting together a big gay-rally next semester to raise awareness. To be sure, there has to be follow-throughts after great rallies, and we plan on it.
Lauren's "Ignoring Sex" blog inspired me to finish this speech I started writing a few months ago ...I plan on using it for next year. Feedback?
Often the charge on us Democrats is that we don't have a vision, or in some cases, the fact that we aren't courageous enough to stand up and speak against the right and say that the right is, indeed, wrong for America ... Read More »
As Bill Clinton once asked, "Why do Christians hate so much?" I ask the same question about some atheists. Why do some atheists hate so much?
As a UU atheist, I find it distasteful that some atheists show such a disdain for religion that they won't allow themselves to be associated with religious people, nor are they willing to listen to the religious.
While they advocate equality, they seem to want to exclude religious people in all things that they do. In fact, they see themselves as being better and smarter than the religious.
Whereas Christians treat the non-believers with care and a concern of them "going to hell," for not believing, the atheists are just the opposite - they treat their counterparts as second-class, uneducated citizens.
While I don't believe in a higher power - to include Jesus, I recognize the goodness of religions. For all the bad it's done, there is also goodness in Christianity and all religions. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.
The truth is that America is big enough for both science and religion, and that Christians truly believe in their religion, and only want the best for everyone - including the non-believers.
It's too bad I can't say the same for some atheists. Zealotry is zealotry, whether it's atheism or Christianity. Some atheists are just as good for America as Fred Phelps.
Thoughts?
I am actually pretty saddened but only found time now to write about it.
As many of you in Virginia may or may not know, a bill was sent to the general assembly a few weeks ago regarding the ban of smoking in restaurants.
As a smoker, I am all for this bill -- I believe it to be an issue of workplace safety, public safety and women's rights -- as most waitresses are women, and just because they chose the job does not mean they deserve anything less than a healthy, wholesome workplace.
Of course, Virginia being backed by the tobacco industry, the bill died. But I am getting petitions around campus, starting next week -- we'll reintroduce this to the legislatures of Virginia. We'll start at my school and go to our neighboring school. 20,000 college students at each campus, I'll make sure anyone who votes no against the bill pays for it during the next election.
In fact, I see it as a weapon -- if we can get progressive students to start speaking on this issue, across campuses frin Virginia to Washington state, we can probably get the attention of these tobacco industry people.
Watch out -- Marc is going to make a splash in Virginia politics. My fellow students are my weapons.
I am confident we can do it. All we need to do is believe.
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