Hi, I’m Mina, and I’m interested in the graduate environmental engineering program at Stanford. I’m so happy to be here.

First of all, I’d like to apologize for the tone in parts of my lunch post that was reminiscent of a certain country's presidential candidate crying in a certain primary. That was not my intention; I was just facing defeat and needed a place to recharge my game plan. Plus, didn’t said candidate end up winning that particular contest? I’m just sayin’.

Now back to my alias, Mina, the engineering student. When I first embarked on my search for some sumptuous supper, I was my normal intern self. I headed to Busboy’s & Poets to join the D.C. Humanities Council for a presentation on “Immigrants and Native Washingtonians: When Cultures Collide.” The discussion delved into gentrification, the role of economic status in assimilation and what it really means to be a Washingtonian. We were each given a citizenship test and split up into discussion groups. It was actually very enjoyable and I met some interesting people. But OH YEAH there were a lot of free refreshments! The busboys (and girls) served us espresso, soft drinks and tea and we were free to help ourselves to a large dish of fresh hummus, warm pita bread, an extensive fresh fruit spread and a wide assortment of cheese—cheddar, gouda, brie and Swiss—accompanied by gourmet crackers. I left early with both my brain and belly fully stimulated. But I couldn’t stop there; I had to make up for the fact that I had pieces of cookie for breakfast. Two dinners in a day? Why not? Next stop: crashing a Stanford engineering alumni-only networking event.

I wasn’t able to get into the Washington DC Stanford Association, where the event was held, but just at the right moment a friendly rising Stanford senior let me in and was of assistance. It was then and there that I had to conceal my identity. “Hi, I’m Mina. Can you tell me where the engineering event is?” I felt bad lying to the kid—he was so sweet and called three of his friends before confirming the location of the “How to work a room: networking with strangers” workshop and reception. I made up lies about how I was a recent graduate from Michigan (well that’s basically true; go Blue!) and how I really wanted to pursue environmental engineering. He was eager to join me so I didn’t have to lie to anymore people, just gorge on a delectable meal of savory tenderloin in a light dressing, garden vegetables, roasted red pepper hummus in wine glasses, fruit salad, toasted rolls with butter and a bottle of Perrier water (sparkling water is gross, but I felt pretty classy). 

I even got this awesome Stanford Engineering keychain! I hope the admissions people don’t follow the free food-a-thon closely; I might have some problems if I ever try to apply there. Fraud…theft…dishonesty. Awesome.

Who knows what my fate has in store? I’ve tried my hardest to avoid drama by keeping my competitors close and the buffet table closer. While I may not stand for “hope” or “change,” I do stand for bringing an end to hunger; free food for everyone!