I’ve been working on this post all day, trying to make my opinions on abortion rights sound cool or heartfelt or something. The point is: I’m pro-choice because some of my closest friends have had abortions. It’s an extremely difficult decision to make, and abortion is an ugly, ugly thing that they’ve spent a lot of time and heartache dealing with. Anyone who suggests that women take it lightly, or that women don’t comprehend the decision they’re making, needs to spend less time humanizing fetuses and more time talking to real women.

I’m all for political activism and the power of impassioned arguments—I blog about sexual politics all the time, I was the president of the Women’s Issues Organization in college, and I bring up sex ed approximately once every 5 minutes—but talking to a close friend about her abortion is an irreplaceable, undeniably jarring experience. And difficult though the decision is, none of my friends regret their abortions. Their circumstances are wildly different, but they all agree that they were not responsible enough, or ready enough, or prepared enough to raise a child.

Looking at other women I care deeply about—like my younger sister, who wants to go to law school in a couple years—I hope and pray that they never have to make the choice to have an abortion. But if they are, they deserve to have a safe, legal, unobstructed choice.