How's this for a welcome back to the conference? The very first thing I got to see today was a lovely speech by one of the most law-abiding, morally upright Congressional leaders I've ever heard: former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

According to the introduction given by Vision America's own Rick Scarborough, there are two reasons people are saying bad things about DeLay: first, because he wants to govern in a Christ-like way. Second, he's against liberal activist judges. Silly me--I always thought it was because he was indicted on criminal charges of conspiracy to violate election laws and is generally a very slimy politician.

Unfortunately, someone warned this bastion of Christian values that the media caught on these little side antics, and as a result he pretty much avoided saying anything interesting in his speech. I did get a good history lesson, though, because his strategy involved using the words of historical political leaders instead of bothering to come up with his own content.

DeLay also referenced John Winthrop's famous "City on a Hill" sermon in which Winthrop, mid-Atlantic on the way to the New World, convinces his fellow travelers that America is destined to be like the Biblical City on a Hill, setting a good example for the rest of the world. The audience ate it up--somehow, none of them questioned the Christian messages America sends by allowing torture in our prisons, ignoring the effects of our policies on our global neighbors and irresponsibly eating up vast amounts of God's creation.

But anyway, I've moved beyond expecting anything like that here. Other highlights of DeLay's speech included a comparison between dwindling support for the Civil War as it approached completion and modern dwindling support for the Iraq war--"Sound familiar?" he said. It didn't really sound familiar to me since those are two of the most dissimilar wars in American history, but maybe I wasn't listening closely enough.

As DeLay drew to a close, he received some words on comfort from Scarborough, who assured him that "God always does his best work after a crucifixion."

Fire-and-brimstone Lutheran Pastor Laurence White followed DeLay with a speech that was somehow mostly about Germany. Although Scarborough promised White would be our ticket to glory, the only part of White's speech worth listening to was the opening anecdote in which White told us that every time he looks at his "lethal" 50-pound yellow lab, "I think of Tom DeLay."

Tom DeLay--Jesus being crucified or big, scary dog? I'm not sure. Maybe we should have a poll or collect votes or something to help figure this one out, because I'm getting some conflicting information here.