Post from Ben Tuttle's Blog:
Low Sales Numbers? Try Waterboarding
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Provo, Utah. Chad Hudgens was tortured outside a Provo office park. Not for conspiricy allegations by a team of investigators, but by his boss for low sales numbers. Mr. Hudgens volunteered for a "team-building exercise," went outside and laid down on his back with his head downhill (the previous excersize was an egg toss). The co-workers then pinned him down while their supervisor poured water on his nose and mouth. His boss told the executives that he was inspired by reading about the Greek philosopher Socrates, who is said to have once held a student’s head under water, then told him he must want to learn as badly as he wanted air.

Mr. Hudgens has now filed a worker's compensation lawsuit against his boss and company for using the method as motivation. The lawsuit has been catching a lot of national attention due to the intense debate over torture in Washington D.C.

President Bush has recently admitted to approving a meeting between top White House aides such as Vice President Cheney. During these meetings, they approved techniques such as waterboarding. Until now, Bush did not acknowledge that he permitted the meetings. In a recent ABC interview, Bush admits to allowing “enhanced interrogation”. The ACLU has called for Congress to investigate the executive branch's decisions.

Mt. Hudgens had a few thoughts to offer about his experience with torture. “I don’t know if the government should do it or not,” Hudgens said. “But I can tell you firsthand, because it happened to me, it definitely works. They didn’t tell me it was going to happen, but if they did, holy cow, I would’ve told them whatever they wanted me to tell them”. Can you guess what is not as important as breathing..? Sales.


Reader Comments
  
Better reach your sales quota
By Preston Mitchum Apr 15th 2008 at 3:10 pm EDT
This is absolutely absurd. First President Bush, now crazy executives in Utah. Toture practices are not good in "third world countries,"(regardless of what any President says) and they certainly are not valid for not reaching a quota. I would hate to see what would happen if everyone went around practicing the same things that philosophers from hundreds of years ago practiced.
  
kinky shit
By J. Brody Apr 18th 2008 at 9:50 am EDT
dude did volunteer for it though, so i don't see how his lawsuit can hold up. i mean, yeah, fuck waterboarding, simulated drowning, and all forms of torture, but if kinky mofo's wanna get down with some S&M in their bedrooms, (or boardrooms), then as long as its consensual its okay. i don't think any detainees agreed to any "team building" exercises.
  
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