Things are getting really nasty in the office.  Excerpts from the blogs of my competitors today:

Ashley: I heard Chenwei mutter this motto, once spoken by a true champion, under her breath this morning: ‘It’s just a job.  Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.  I beat people up.’ (I may look like a tough little Asian-girl ninja, but rest assured, my penchant for beating people up is strictly metaphorical.)

Aditi: The interns have fallen prey to the sadistic social experiment concocted by and for the pleasure of our scheming superiors. Once a united group in which CP interns could feel safe and comfortable with whom they are is now plagued by factions, backstabbing and debauchery.

Nick: I would like to relay a short message to all of the interns in the office hating on myself, Ashley, and Aditi, and who are rooting for Chenwei as though she is a savior. “Change we can believe in,” Artair proudly repeats 27 times an hour. “She’s going to do it.” Well, not so fast kids. This party is just getting started.

And because he is so negative and mean-spirited, here is some more from Nick: And, immediately, I saw my sworn enemy: ‘Chenwei or the highway’ as she ought to be referred based on all of this false hope our naïve class of interns has invested in her (and I will be more than happy to escort them all to the beltway tomorrow).

This morning, I put on my high-powered businesswoman outfit and facial expression, and made my way into the National Acadamy of Sciences building for the Federal Facilities Council's forum on High Performance Federal Buildings - Meeting EISA Requirements Through 2030.  How much more obscure can you get in a meeting topic?  I know nothing about efficient architecture or sustaining a steady infrastructure for our federal buildings, but from the looks of the crowd, lots of people are into this kind of stuff.  Me, I just enjoy looking at pretty buildings and eating fresh and fruity danishes.

I made the 15-minute walk from my dorm to the National Academy of Sciences building, where I signed in, slapped on my nametag, and went straight to the breakfast displays.  See, unlike the reception that the security guard gave Nick, he was very cordial to me.  Meaning... I have the more superior looks to make it in the professional world. O:-) Anyway, there were many delicious fruity danishes, bagels, muffins, and coffee cakes.  I picked up a couple of danishes and half a bagel, both of which were quite delicious.

I stood around eating my pastries and attempted to look important by writing things down on my notepad.  What did I write about?  Have a look:

Wow, I have no idea what this conference is about.  The people here are so old.  This coffee is pretty bad.  I like baked goods.  I miss sweet tea.  I wonder if Pastry is coming.  Cocks.  Fooh de fa fa.

I grabbed a bottle of Diet Pepsi and made my way out. And that’s when I ran into my competitor, Pastry Pastan.

“You,” I greeted him.

“I didn’t think you were going to be here.”

“I live across the street from the Metro stop.”

"Oh, how convenient."

I gave him my don’t-mess-with-this-Ninja look.  We made some small talk and I made my way out.

I had a couple of other plans in the works for breakfast, both of which fell short.  One of them was to have breakfast at another hotel on Vermont Avenue; but when I arrived, no one was there. Fail.  

I had also heard through the grapevine that sometimes, if you apply for a job at Starbucks, they give you free coffee.  What a genius idea!  I made my way to the nearest Starbucks and filled out the application, with all kinds of fake mess…

Name: Jenny Yang
Age: 25
High School: Eleanor Roosevelt High School (in NY)
College: Liberty University

You get the idea.  I turn it in.  The cashier asks me if I would like to order anything. I tell him that I heard that Starbucks gives out free drinks to job applicants.  The cashier gives me a funny look and replies with, “Uhh, I don’t believe we do that here.”

“Oh.  Well.  I don’t have any money with me.”  And I was out of there.

So, even though I did eat breakfast, my morning was not as successful as Nick's.  But it made me realize something—lying and sneaking into events is not the way to go!  I am a firm believer in karma.  I lied on a freaking job application for Starbucks to get a free freaking drink.  How low is that?!  And how avaricious can I be to try to score two breakfasts?  Not all things are good in two’s.

For example, having only one lover is 2340923 times better than having two lovers.  And having only one Bubonic Plague is a lot better than two Bubonic plagues.  In fact, the best scenario would be to have no Bubonic Plagues.

Anyway, my point is, I had my breakfast and it was good.  I stooped to low levels and acted gluttonous, but I realized that I should be better from that.  Besides, the reason we’re so lazy and fat is because we always get more than we need, right?