| By Dana Goldstein - Jun 28th, 2007 at 11:25 am EDT |
| Also listed in: Campus Progress Blog |
According to the New York Times, if you're a young professional woman, you spend a lot of time on the phone with your mom. Hours. Like six hours. Four times a day.
Dr. Gadsden, of the University of Pennsylvania, said that if mothers are orchestrating their daughters’ lives and regularly attempting to take away the hurt, they could be turning them into overly needy adults.
“Parents over the last 25, 30 years have been far more indulgent than they necessarily needed to be with their children,” Dr. Gadsden said. “Some problems have to be solved by yourself.”
I talk to my mom several times a week, but not everyday. And when we do talk, it's usually for at least 15 minutes or half an hour, and often much longer. My male friends have remarked that I seem particularly close to my mom. Well, yes. I'm an only child and my parents are divorced, so we have been each other's main supports for years. But I see similar relationships between many of my female friends and their mothers, regardless of family dynamics. I think our cultural assumptions about young adult's relationships to their parents have certainly shifted, so much so that one friend of mine recently said she feels uncomfortable when she tells people she doesn't feel that close to her mother.
This Times article is gender-specific, but we've seen plenty of coverage of parental "hovering" over both male and female college students via cell phones and email. Do you think it's really about delayed marriage and increased technology? Or does our generation, many of us raised by children of the sixties, really have better, closer relationships with more "with it" parents? How often do you talk to your parents?
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Even without those financial ties, I still remain closely tied to my mother and my father. I do not feel like this is a hindrance. My mom and I talk almost every day, and when we do, the conversations tend to run a half hour. My dad and I talk a few times a week.
I do not feel that I am being held back. I genuinely enjoy talking to them. I wouldn't call them if I didn't want to. In fact, my parents and I differ in opinion on many of our beliefs. When I do something they may not agree with, they don't pull me in (although they may express concern).
But I know guys who talk to their mothers often, especially if they are only children, and have been closer to their mothers than their fathers.
As I'm getting older, I don't see talking to my mother often as a hinderance. I know I've needed to work things out on my own so that I don't always rely on my parents. I see her as a confidant, because we think very similarly. Also, she's a good person to bounce ideas off of, and we both vent to each other. But she never makes my decisions for me, because we have that understanding.
However, I can't say that for everyone. My freshman roommate's mother called everyday, put huge restrictions on her, and that spilled over to me. Her mom used to call me, and start lecturing me! My mother would joke that my roommate's mother tried to put more limitations on me that she ever did. And already, I've seen how that constant involvement has shaped how my former roommate lives her life--she really can't do anything without her mother's permission.