...was thankfully addressed today by the AEI-Brookings Joint Center for Regulatory Studies when it convened a panel on "The Economics of Internet Advertising: Implications for the Google-DoubleClick Merger."  I attended that panel, and this is my story.

“Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” 

I follow Abraham Lincoln’s famous admonition to the letter, sitting down next to one Dorna Mohaghegh, whose imposing stature is matched by a diabolical intellect and clear willingness to succeed against me at all costs. I have just left Campus Progress a short while ago, and, despite suffering from an apparent inability to control my motor functions, have managed finally to wrest control of my American Enterprise Institute nametag from its handlers. Breakfasting on large amounts of overly-creamed complimentary coffee was not such a bad idea, I think, shaking uncontrollably. I place my free chips, salad, noodles, wraps, and Mandarin Orange seltzer on the table a safe distance away from my colleague, who eyes them longingly (or seems to -- is that the caffeine speaking?) The food products arrayed before me might not be the "lobster confabulations" that David Brooks, that voice of the working class, speaks so highly of, but they are entirely free thanks to the generosity of Philip Morris and ExxonMobil, among others.

Our table is full of nice people and good conversation, but such things do not sell blog posts and can be safely skipped over. The conflict and emotional tension in our story begins to emerge a moment later, when a gentleman asks me where I got the potato chips; none remain in the lobby. I realize at this moment that my impact on this delicate ecosystem is far from neutral. By any moral reckoning, the chips, for which I did not buy any offsets, should rightly have gone to the wiser, longer-bearded, and presumably more Google-Doubleclick-merger-interested gentleman behind me. But the event is starting; all I can do at this point is silently resolve to change my ways.

The panel is a very diverse one. Three panelists wear glasses of varying lens and rim thicknesses; the other, no eyewear at all. Robert Hahn, who is moderating, introduces the panelists, and it is here that the narrative tension reenters our story. There is a strict 10-minute limit on speakers, he attempts to make clear, but David Evans of LECG blatantly flouts the limit and the pleading “2 Minutes” sign. His presentation, while unforgivably violating the ground rules, is far more interesting than it has any right to be; it’s clear that the merger in question will shake the internets up considerably, and the privacy and anti-trust aspects of this are all hinted at.

I am done eating at this point, however, and my competitor seems to be eyeing the door. I have to know what she’s up to, and this necessitates a somewhat hasty exit. We never find out the criteria by which federal antitrust officials can best assess “the merits of the merger, such as the relevant market and the barriers to entry.” My hunger for food and regulatory decisionmaking knowledge far from sated, I follow my opponent from a safe distance. Before we part ways, a kindly proponent of veganism hands me a Vegetarian Starter Guide booklet; it tastes of environmentally-unfriendly, non-soy-based ink and does not go down well.

More from the Free Food-A-Thon -- click here.