| By Kay Steiger - Aug 14th, 2007 at 12:37 pm EDT |
| Also listed in: Campus Progress Blog |
Deborah Siegel, the author of Sisterhood Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild, has an excellent review of Wendy Shalit's new book, Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good up at The American Prospect today. She touches on some very good points that moralizing can be a difficult topic to broach:
To me, ethics and morality apply to the way we craft our arguments. More moral dichotomizing is hardly what women, what girls, what any of us need now.
I agree. It's hard enough to be a young woman these days, with all kinds of social pressure about what grades we're supposed to get (good ones), how many sexual partners we're supposed to have (not many), the way we're supposed to look (sexy), and how much we're supposed to weigh (the less, the better). Piled on top of that, Siegel says that Schalit adopts a lot of the language the Christian right has been using for the last 15 years to push young women to adopt the virgin model.
What women need is to realize that they can break outside of stereotypes and forge their own thoughts, styles, and moralities. Young women need a more supportive environment rather than another pile of lectures.
!
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""all kinds of social pressure about what grades we're supposed to get (good ones),""
Notice how you unconsciously assume your social-class-stratified experiences were/are universal.
That said, shockingly enough, there's pressure on guys to get good grades too.
""how many sexual partners we're supposed to have (not many),""
There are pressures on both men and women to behave in certain ways when it comes to sexuality. Neither of them have it terribly rough in the grand scheme of things (Hint: Basing your self esteem on what other people think of you isn't a great way to get through life).
""the way we're supposed to look (sexy),""
Again, says who? This utterly smacks of pressure that *you're* placing on *yourself*, which is patent bullshit that nobody else is responsible for but you.
To the extent that there are expectations of dress (again, minor) foisted on you by society, buying into them is entirely up to you.
My girlfriend has very high expectations for how I dress and groom myself. So? I choose to buy into that by dating her.
""and how much we're supposed to weigh (the less, the better).""
Again, this is (And I am sorry to use the term, but I lost most of my patience for this sort of self-pity a long time ago) bullshit you're foisting onto yourself. And, shock of shocks, men have expectations about how their bodies, too.
Ever go to the gym at your college? The guys you see there lifting weights and running on the track aren't there because they're picking up valuable life skills - they're sweating it out because conforming to a certain body image will get them, well, laid. (And give them a better shot at finding love, for that matter -- studies show that physical attractiveness is the top criteria for predicting how successful a first date will be.)
There isn't quite the same well-established self-pity industry surrounding them, though.
It doesn't necessarily have to be about self esteem, it could just be frustration or all out anger about the fact that most people in society and society at large still feels the need/desire to try and tell women how to behave, act, look, think etc.
And many people buy into this stuff and it's easier to ignore it as you get older but you can't ignore that it still has an effect on the way many people think about (and therefore treat) women.
The standards set for women aren't all matters of self esteem, there are very real, serious issues that arise from the way women are percieved and it's very common and in many cases it has nothign to do with how the woman in question feels about herself.
And while grown women may have an easier time dealing with these things, a young girl will cope with it much harder. Girls are much more likely to internalize problems which is partially why they are more likely to become depressed and/or have serious disorders that often stem from body issues and the way they are treated and "expected" to look and behave. And just saying "don't let it bother you, be more secure in yourself" isn't enough to make that go away.
While men certainly feel pressured to get good grades, look hot and work out, women have to get better grades, look hotter and be thinner in order to be accepted on par with men.
And arguing that we should all just stop caring about those things is a cop out--do you know any 13 year old girls? Try telling them that their desire to have friends is "bullshit."