It was a wacky and crazy day yesterday in the halls of Campus Progress and throughout the nation’s capital as four wily competitors rose early to not only beat the heat but also each other to be crowned the 2008 Free Food-A-Thon champion.

Yet all Avarice Ashley’s 6:30AM wake-up call did was make her stomach rumble louder than an Orange Line train. She delighted in consuming the delectable nourishment of an English muffin with peanut butter and graciously bowed out of the final as her competitors came roaring through the starting gate.

Nick “Pastry” Pastan ran into some unexpected company, his opponent Chewing Chenwei, at the Federal Facilities Council’s conference: High-Performance Federal Buildings: Meeting EISA requirements through 2030 (no, I did not make that title up). Yet the Pastry’s patented ID problems didn’t stop him from weaseling in to mount the buffet and fill up on blueberry cake and bagels. And Pastry Pastan didn’t stop there: he swung by the Mariott to sneak some more juice and croissants before clocking into work at 9:04AM.

Chewing Chenwei remained composed the whole way. With her equanimity she had no problems strutting into the high-powered buildings breakfast. She was more concerned about the tone and appropriateness of flossing the city for free food than bellying up to one more breakfast buffet. The contest was getting heated, interns were taking sides, staff was being accused of favoritism, and it was still before noon!

Hardeehar Aditi Hardikar found her breakfast dilemma to be no laughing matter. After navigating through a stingy World Bank youth event without a crumb in site, she scrambled for some free cookie samples to hold off her hunger until lunch.

Lunch illustrated the relentlessness of these great contestants. Hardeehar thought the building conference had more to offer as she dove into their lunch helping. I’m sure the stuffed green pepper and Oreo silk mousse pie made her vegetarian taste buds salivate.

Chewing Chenwei decided to hit up K Street for all its lobbying richness and devoured a “Portobello mushroom sandwich with sprouts and avocado on flatbread that had cheese and tomatoes baked on top.”

Yet the Pasty Pastan was up to his old tricks. Using journalism as a pretense, Nick gorged on the jackpot: salmon. And he still had room for a chocolate decadent dessert.

With tensions mounting and only dinner left to go, the free food-a-thon was anyone’s game.  Chewing Chenwei continued to push the high road even as her animated grass roots movement amped up the pressure.  Chenwei hawked the Campus Progress Kool-Aid at a non-profit networking reception and pretended it was her birthday to reap a free ice cream.

Although Hardeehar had a slow start, she was looking to dinner to catapult her to the top. After inhaling knowledge and hors d'oeuvres at a Bus Boys event, Hardeehar attempted the ultimate for free food: posing as a Stanford engineering alumni. While I’m sure she didn’t enjoy the tenderloin, her feat speaks for itself.

The Pastry Pastan wouldn’t go down without a fight either. An open bar with free appetizers at one of DC’s swankiest clubs wasn’t enough for him. Using his connections from his entrepreneurial father, Nick seduced a three-course meal from one of DC’s finest Italian restaurants. The chive infused ricotta cheese crostini, al dente pesto pasta, and succulent grilled pork chop with vincotto was certainly something to be jealous of.

Deliberations among the judges were long and hard as Aditi, Nick, and Chenwei all did amazing jobs, found mouth-watering free food, and entertained a city with their tales of deceit, deception, and tomfoolery. In the end, however, Nick “Pastry” Pastan’s unrelenting approach to showing all that one can find for free in DC proved the difference. He brazenly used his connections and temerity to expose the depths of DC’s free food scene. He blogged about it unapologetically for all to see and wasn’t ashamed of what he did for a silly little contest.  Chenwei and Aditi were more than admirable foes and as a result the judges would like to extend the free lunch award to both of them as well. Next week, all three will feast on a lunch paid for by Campus Progress at a restaurant of their choice. Congratulations to Nick and all the participants in the free food-a-thon 2008.