A few concluding observations about the conservative as a social and political animal. First, the evidence.  

In what was probably a brilliant leftist prank, there was a hotel-wide fire alarm during the Ronald Reagan banquet, the much-anticipated climax of CPAC. As everyone milled around outside, a group of young conservatives started a collective sing-along to "(Bye Bye) Miss American Pie," delivered until they got past the first verse and the chorus and forgot the words. Cool, guys. I'm glad you have the pop culture sensibility of baby boomers. At least my 59 year-old father knows some of the words. Then the fire department showed up and everyone cheered loudly (note: there was no fire). 

I used the mass confusion to sneak us into the Banquet (see previous blog post for the verbal detritus that was spewed there). Afterwards, though I was already feeling the stolen chardonnay, I was determined to infiltrate the young conservative social scene. I ended up bumming a cigarette off two dudes from Kentucky (I don't smoke, but being from Virginia, tobacco and both our states' economic dependence on it provided a convenient topic of conversation). These guys talked about state politics and the strategy of their career trajectories with the zeal and careful calculation of fanatics rattling off inane baseball stats--I gotta work on this campaign to get that job with this guy's cabinet, "If Fletcher wins in '07, McConnell will look bad for '08," etc. There was zero talk about actual political issues, just the politics of career advancement IN politics. They were expertly acquainted with everyone who was anyone in the college conservative political hierarchy scene--we winked at the cute chair from Tennessee (thoughts on conservative girls coming soon). 

I followed them up to a room party thrown by the rep from Minnesota (my heart goes out to that girl). It was too small for me not to be snickered at as "random guy," and I quickly realized I didn't have the heart or endurance for this endeavor. With the bad music and the collective stick up everyone's butt, it's no wonder Stephen Glass made up that story about hanging out with drunk Republicans. I drew a (not so) healthy amount of their rum into my Dixie cup, which was my way of telling myself I hadn't totally admitted defeat, and made haste to the lobby.

On the way I had a funny experience with a friendly fellow Conference attendee, as we slowly revealed to each other that we were both leftist social imposters. He told me about how a girl at the party asked him where he worked and he told her "the Democratic Caucus." What? she asked, not hearing him over the shitty R&B playing. "The Caucus!" he tactfully abbreviated. She misheard him again and slapped him. Just kidding- anti-feminist conservative girls are way harder to offend with inappropriate jocular references to your penis.

But on to more serious superficial generalizations about young conservatives. The girls have a commitment to make-up, suits, heels, and straight hair that is nothing short of impressive. Guys, if that's your thing, you would have been in heaven. I for one thought they all looked the same--the only woman of color there under the age of 50 was Michelle Malkin. Maybe they took a cue from Malkin's book "In Defense of Internment" and locked all the Japanese kids in a coat closet. But most attendees in plain sight looked like the glorified life blood of a different Axis Power, and I don't mean Italy.

Many of the guys (who comprised 67% of the crowd) wear their suits like they were born in them. Short hair was the order of the day, and I'm talking haircuts so short it looks like it's hurting your head. Facial hair was nowhere to be found; though I wore a suit (first time since I've lived in D.C.!), I think my beard, albeit especially trimmed for the occasion, gave me away. Niral merely being Indian probably blew his cover. Sideburns were rare too. However, not to further downgrade the discourse, but there were an exceeding number of, well, dorky-looking kids there. Both in reference to their disheveled hair (I thought that the left had a monopoly on this?) and their demeanor; the tone of their conversation would sound familiar to anyone who's watched "Freaks and Geeks."

Here's my thesis: even though it was probably a troublemaking leftist who pulled the fire alarm, punkism--a term I will make up to describe the state of being a punk, as in anti-establishment, anti-authority, a rebel, a rabblerouser, a provocateur--is a social trend that has been increasingly if not totally co-opted by conservatives. One need only look at the stunts that some of the more committed of them stage in proud defiance of P.C.-ness (i.e. "Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day," the rape-joke editorial at Central Conn., etc.) to recognize that student dissent, if only measured in attention that it gets, is more often the domain of conservatives. The payoff for the prankster is not a rational political demonstration of beliefs, but the satisfaction of knowing he or she has punked what's perceived to be the status quo. While I can never imagine a time when the anti-Che Guevara shirts that some conservative websites hawk would actually sell, I fear the ones boldly adorned with Reagan's face could be seen on a few young torsos in no time, especially if organizations like CPAC keeps pimping his legacy as hard as they do now. Conservatism could very well be the new call to arms for young people who feel outcast by society or the media or political correctness or their parents or whatever. If their feelings of being outsiders are legitimate and the left is the new status quo, I'd have to say that's a testament to the damage Bush has done to this country, that the consensus of society as a whole could take a giant step left.

These punks join an alliance with the mainstream young conservatives, who dare I say are clearly more united and committed than equivalent groups on the Left. Really this is not to be expected; after the midterms they are a dying breed that must huddle up next to each other to stay warm. But for a while they've had the difficult task of standing up for the President, which is a process so trying that it must only bring you closer. There's a sense of camaraderie in young conservatives, one borne of shared beliefs in defiance of perceived widespread opposition. Add the fact that a centerpiece of their activism is writing old, crotchety, and extremely wealthy white men to ask for money, and you have a diverse, well-funded, and enthusiastic movement.

And they're growing, too. According to the straw poll, 53% of those attending CPAC were students (vs. 32% individuals unassociated with sponsors who came on their own accord), and 62% of the attendees were between 18 and 25, forty-five percentage points more than the next most populous age bracket. They're young. They can only get older, more popular, and more powerful from here. 

Not to scare you, but them's the facts. I just hope Don McLean is not actually representative of their music taste.