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| Also listed in: Campus Progress Blog |
There's a lot to pick apart in this Chicago Tribune report from an academic conference on women's sexuality. But what's missing from the article, though hopefully not from discussion among these experts themselves, is an accounting for social conditioning. To what extent are women just not taught to value their own sexual pleasure equally to that of men? Or to feel ashamed of their bodies and sexuality in a way that inhibits them in bed? Check this out:
Since the 1960s, researchers have operated under a variation of the simple model proposed by William Masters and Virginia Johnson that says the human sexual response starts with desire, progresses through excitement or arousal and ends with orgasm. But experts argued that notion might reflect the experience of men more than women, many of whom don't see orgasm as a goal.
In recent years the field has moved toward a more complicated model based on the observation that many women go into a sexual encounter without being in the mood--perhaps they're seeking intimacy or hoping to please their partner--and may not really want sex until after they become aroused.
But it wasn't until very recently that anyone thought to test those theories by asking women. Sand, who was awarded a prize for his innovative research, found that 57 percent of women felt a straightforward model best described their sexual experience. The 29 percent who endorsed the more complicated model were more likely to have sexual problems.This is pretty fascinating. The women who saw their sexual response as similar to men's---desire, arousal, orgasm---had better sex than the women who felt they were just going along with their partner and didn't see their own orgasm as a goal. That makes a lot of intuitive sense to me. It's hard to enjoy something you're only doing to please somebody else. Feminism and sex-positivity, when they teach girls that they deserve pleasure and that it's nothing to be ashamed of, really do make a person better in bed.
Pleasurable sex is more than just a pure carnal experience, and there are mental factors at play towards reaching climax. I know sex for a lot of women is more of an obligation than anything else. Clearly in order for women to enjoy sex, they have to enjoy sex itself and not view it as a means to intimacy, or acceptance in a relationship. Go for the gold!!
Also, in my Afro-American Literature class we are reading "Incidents in the Life of a Slave," by Harriet Jacobs. In it a former slave describes her anger and discontent with being forced into a sexual relationship with her owner. She however, longs to engage in a romantic sexual relationship with one of his neighbors as a means to express her freedom and sexuality. She's obviously way a head of her time. It made me realize how much women's struggle for freedom and expression is directly tied to sexual pleasure and control of the sexual encounter. On another front, i'm not suprised this is the most popular blog. lol. Thsnks for posting
At the same time, I find some of the greatest pleasure comes from wanting to please my partner. There is an intoxicating state of arousal that occurs when driving your partner "crazy" and that experience actually fuels my desire, rather than the desire of orgasm.
Thoughts?
The Kama Sutras venerated men who had the endurance to engage in sex for hours (some claim days) on end. They took a very unique approach to sex however, in that they believed it was actually a divine experience. For them, sex represented a mechanism with which one could dive deep into human consciousness and experience unchanging bliss (enlightenment), however this bliss only lasted as long as they lasted. Basically sex was a form of yoga.
As a woman you already know that were weren't only not taught to value our own sexual pleasure but we were hardily discouraged to believe that it even existed at all.
The issue of women having sex "out of obligation to their partners" is just one of the symptoms of this.
Since my own awareness of the depths that social conditioning has had on women has been raised, this has become my new passion. I look forward to following your blogs since it seems we have this in common.