There is no longer any middle ground, no longer any third option. Either John Derbyshire is the biggest bad-ass on the face of the earth who, simply by sheer chance and studiously avoiding any personal risk whatsoever during his life, has never had an opportunity to prove his mighty awesomeness; or John Derbyshire is the single most obnoxious, self-aggrandizing, insensitive, delusional jackass on the interweb.

If you liked his comments about how the British Marines taken hostage should have been beaten, you're going to love this.

We've known for some time that John Derbyshire is among the stupidest of the stupid over at National Review Online.  Until now, I thought that his sadistic desire to witness suffering in his fellow humans was restricted to brown people.

Turns out, he thinks the hostage crisis in Iran would have been a little more worthwhile with some flagrant brutality inflicted against his fellow Brits:

Once again, it's me and Ralph Peters on the same wavelength, deploring the cowardice of the British sailors and marines kidnapped by Iran. When it happened, I said I hoped the ones who'd shamed their country would be court-martialed on return to Blighty, and given dishonorable discharges after a couple years breaking rocks in the Outer Hebrides (which, believe me—I've been there—have a LOT of rocks). Now, I confess, I wouldn't shed a tear if some worse fate befell them.

The only coherent response I get to these sentiments is: "How do you know what they've been through? How would YOU stand up?" To which the obvious reply is the one Dr. Johnson gave in some similar case: "I may criticize a carpenter who makes me a bad table, though I cannot make a table myself. It is not my job to make tables."

...I nurse a quiet hope that if put to the test, I would stand up as well as any Marine. Whether or not I would, however, is irrelevant. Whether or not I could stand up well to torture, I expect Marines to.

And in any case, there was no evidence of torture or mistreatment in any of the filmed cases I have seen. They look just fine. You can't fake that. The girl sailor had that headscarf on within hours. From what I've heard of torture, even weaker cases can hold out for a few days.

As for the argument that these people might have buckled under threats to hurt their comrades, I should think a soldier's answer would be: "They are soldiers, same as me. They know the risks of service, and they'll answer for themselves."

...

It should be assumed that everything the Iranians say is a lie. If they say: "Do this, and we won't harm your mates," and you do it, they will harm your mates anyway. Of course, this kind of truth is much harder to get across to young people who have been brainwashed from elementary school to believe that their own culture is corrupt, evil, and false, while the cultures of Third World barbarians are morally superior...

Ignoring Derbyshire's completely moronic beliefs on withstanding torture (didn't Khalid Sheikh Mohammed earn respect from interrogators for lasting a little over two minutes during waterboarding?), how should this petulant rant from a career chickenhawk be described by a reasonable observer? He's clearly wishing harm would befall his former countrymen (Derbyshire loved England so much he emigrated to the US and took American citizenship) who have only today been released from captivity. He seems to think that they didn't earn their release, sort of like you don't earn being a year older until someone gives you your birthday spankings (with one to grow on!).

And we've known for some time that Derbyshire doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground where torture is concerned.

But maybe Derbyshire has a point. He never served his country in uniform, he doesn't put his life on the line to protect the homeland, he knows nothing of combat or captivity, and he's so completely full of shit his high school nickname was "The Walking Lower Intestine," but I'm sure that if he were to be captured and imprisoned by a less-than-friendly power, brave and noble as he is, he'd make them shove red-hot pokers up his arse, wedge spikes under his fingernails, and kill all of his companions before he'd dishonor Mother England by wearing a headscarf.

Is it wrong for me to hope he someday gets the chance to prove himself?